Thats my name, don’t wear it out.
// July 24th, 2007 // Theories
When I was born I looked like a chimp. I’m not ashamed of it, i was a sort of primative curiosity I imagine, half human, half primate, actually scrap that, two thirds primate, one third human. I imagine it must have been difficult to name a two third primate, one third human hybrid. Obvious names such as “baloo” “chimp boy” “monkey baby” “missing link” “simon” must have seemed a bit vulgar. So my parents settled obviously, on Adam, looking back the parodox of calling a monkey baby the name most representative of man is pretty comical.
Where am I going with this? You can find out in the full post
Well the point I’m trying to make is that the worst possible time to have to name a child, is, well, when its a child. That ugly little crying, shitting, anything it can get its hands on eating replica of everyone elses little crying, shitting, anything it can get its hands on eating child is so far removed from the adult it will become, that to know which name will suit it is impossible. Everyone knows that people called Barry should be overweight, people called trevor will become mechanics, so how we pick the name which is appropriate or does the name determine what the child will become, do Barrys have second helpings of dinner out of a sub-concious calling to answer their names heritage? If the name does hold great power, clues to the person they will become then we should think even harder about the name we pick. If we know calling a girl Ferrari or Chantelle will greatly increase the chance that its a teenage mother, or develops a liking for very small dogs, its more likely we’d opt for something like Mildred. A name like Malcolm is likely to result in years of bullying, a nervous twitch and social awkwardness.
Names should be the most personal things, after all its the one thing we use most, the most personal thing we possess which we present to everybody we meet “i’m Adam”. What seems odd about this is its something we didnt pick, and not only that its something that isnt unique. At this exact moment there are probably thousands of people in thousands of different settings extending there hand and uttering the words “hi, i’m adam”, there using my name! imposters! Whats worse, adam is not a blank canvas. Jilted by an Adam at the alter, ripped-off by an adam on ebay? These adams are not only content with stealing my name and inpersonating me at parties, their also now tarnishing my good name with shady electronics and commitment phobia. Bastards!
Okay so I’m being dramatic, but still our names represent something to everybody based on their experience of that name. Adam is an okay one, as for bibilical reasons, its name is firmly established as the first man, so no matter how many commitment phobic Adams exist, the name higher meaning should keep it intact. The solution, everyone renames themselves on their 18th birthday. This gives us the chance to have a clean slate, rename otherselves, something unique, with no history and more reprensentative of the person we have become than the rug rat we were when our previous name was bestowed upon us. Until then we can have a temporary name “n.123456″ or “bob”, or something. Then upon entering adulthood we can pick the name which best represents us. So from this moment on I’m officially renaming myself, I will now go by the name of “adam n.123456″.
What are you’re new names?
