Displayed in photographic form in the above image is my father (lets call him, Peter, after all thats his name), brother (Kevin) and sister (Gemma) as glee faced youngsters. A happy bunch huh? I’m sure you’ll agree that something looks out of place, something looks like it doesn’t belong in this happy family unit……………………….oh yeah, ME!!!
Hidden amongst the blonde and ginger hair, freckles and human features, theres a little chimp boy human hybrid. They seem to have tried to devert attention from the authorities by dressing me in some king of yellow cloth, nestled in between my “brother” and “sister”. I look like a chimp, raised in a family of albino’s, like some kind of messed up inverted Jungle Book. Some people need medical science to prove their heritage, I, armed with just “vision” have proved it beyond reasonable doubt I think.
Anyway, with a family like mine I’ll happily continue living the lie. Just so you all know, that I know, and we’re all playing dumb together 
You could embark on a career as a living argument against predominance of genes. And, by way of consolation, Marylin Monroe and 16th century scholar Erasmus of Rotterdam were illegitimate too!
http://www.trivia-library.com/a/20-famous-illegitimate-children.htm
In every family there is an oddball and we were blessed with you! For the record there is no doubt that you are a bona fide fletcher but you just got the best of my genes. No ginger hair, no worry warts or freckles but a kindly optimistc disposition, a love of freedom and independance and a strong sense of responsibility to always do the right thing. On that note should you really be casting aspersions on your mothers good name! Just for the record, we’ve never had a milkman that looked remotely like a monkey!! Cheeky boy!!
“always do the right thing”? I’d sell you for a fiver
A whole fiver! I never realised you cared that much! Now I know how much you love me, my life is complete!
this is now easily the most read zig post ever, either
a) everyone loves it when you bash yourself
b) no-one can believe its real
c) think of a clever reason, add it here.
I guess its c.