Rules of the universe:

Cash Law - All songs sound better sung by Johnny Cash. The definitive version of Happy Birthday is Johnny Cash’s version. Even the slightest mumble from Johnny Cash is enough to make angels fornicate, en mass. I imagine its so good that you would instantly age an entire year, just so he would have an excuse to sing it you again, I expect that most people get into this cycle until they die, a fast sweet musically blissful death, this part of the law is called “cashtch 22″.

Dullness/Sleep law - There’s a direct link between the length that people sleep and there level of dullness. Think about all the dull people you’ve ever met and I bet they are up at the crack of dawn every day, tidying, alphabetising, re-arranging or just wandering about trying to find things to fill up their day. Dull people don’t need as much sleep as everyone else, they have less to ponder, it takes less to fuel their brains but the essential area of “imagination” is less developed, and demanding. I like to think that they are woken up early by their dreams, which consist of reading the newspaper, cleaning, planning and organising, these dreams are so dull for the sub-concious that it forces them into conciousness to escape the tedium.

Anyone have some more rules of the universe to offer up?