I’m back home now in the warm, obligated bosom of my family. Its a tremendously happy time, even my nan has come to stay for a few days. My brother and I are male bonding in silence whilst playing copious hours of pro evo soccer. My thumb limps closer to arthritis with every game. Tomorrow we’ll open presents, play board games, inject chocolate directly into our veins via a drip and have lots of special family time to fuel my future therapy sessions. Blissful.

Heres a great game to play over christmas its call banal-o-rama. The objective is to counter the tedious stories your relatives tell you with even duller stories. The aim being to reach the heighten state of tedium in which you can actually put yourself to sleep, with the shitness of your own stories. My nan had a cracking good go at this today, its the one game she can actually win at Christmas. she must have inches from putting herself to sleep, check out this gem:

“Auntie came round the other day, she saw my big saucepan in the kitchen. She asked if she could borrow it and then she ended up taking both that one and my other big saucepan. After she left I went to start cooking pasta, but i’d forgotten that she’d taken both my saucepans so I couldn’t cook pasta. But its alright I got fish and chip takeaway instead.”

Ah yes, with family story time producing gems like the saucepan-pasta-fiasco of 2007, the next days will pass like a hurricane. I tried to counter, raising the banal-o-rama stakes but I admit I was a little awestruck by her skills. I went for a

“ah yeah, well this morning kev flooded the bathroom when he took a shower. I walked in the bathroom and my sock got wet.”.

A hearty try, but lacking. Didn’t even register a quizzical eyebrow in response. I fear I still have a lot to learn.

Merry Christmas to one and all! Take it easy and be nice to your nan (or nicer than me *

* I am of course merely playing. My nans a star**

**a mon-star