Interviews
// May 19th, 2008 // Theories
The last few weeks have been a whirl of interviews as I’ve been knee deep into my job hunt. You either love interviews, or hate them. I’m an emphatic ‘love them’. Why? Well, in normal social interactions you have to take part in - polite conversation. Thats means that you are forced to show an interest in the person you’ve forced to stop and listen to you, talking about yourself to. So when they say ‘how was your day’, you’ll answer and then they’ll leave an unnerving pause. In this pause you’re supposed to say ’so anyway how was your day?’, they’ll tell you some crap your not interested in about how they don’t like Wednesdays, or bosses who don’t understand how great they are, bills they need to pay blah blah blah – this is polite conversation. In interviews I don’t have to ask any questions back, the spotlights are shined purely at me. I get to just talk about myself for an hour or so, its kinda like therapy only if things go well they start paying you and not the other way round. It’s an excuse to talk solidly about myself without pesky interrupts, from others wanting to tell me about themselves. What easier subject can there be than talking about yourself? If I go on Mastermind thats the exact specialist topic I would request – ‘The thoughts and feelings of Adam Fletcher’. Yet they let you have this one in the test of whether or not you can have a job and earn money. Makes no sense to me.
There was a feature on the news today about CVs and job hunting. They had done a study and found that 70% of people lied on their CVs! This taught me two things:
1. TV teaches you nothing you don’t already know.
2. When confronted, 30% of people are unwilling to admit lying on their CV.
The other great things about interviews is you not only get to talk about yourself for hours on end without people walking away, or saying nasty things about you behind your back (egomaniac, asshole, fuck me what a bore etc etc), but you get to make stuff up. You can invent a whole new, better you. Its like a mini-vacation from your own rubbish self, while you get to test out what life would be like if you weren’t a hopeless bum. During an interview I’m an enthusiastic, motivated, intelligent, commited team player. Outside I’m an unemployed, balding, bum. Intellectually stimulated by wheel of fortune and shiny things.
My interview to job offer ratio has always been pretty high, which means I’m particularly skilled at creating better sounding versions of myself in interviews. I put this down to the realization at an early age that I wasn’t as good at wrestling, team sports, or buildings things like other men. In order not to be thrown on the dateless darwinian scrap-heap, I had to evolve new skills. I picked words. Now I think I’m okay at wielding them to get people to like me, at least in small doses. You just say smart things that someone else already said that you’ve memorized. Or you can say cute things that make people laugh such as ‘cheese is terrific’ or complimentary untruths such as ‘no, you definitely don’t look fat in that’.
But then it all falls apart. You have to actually pick a job. After the thrill of the employment chase the courtship ritual has come to an end. No more free therapy, or new improved you’s. You’re whoring yourself out there to anyone who’ll listen to you days are over. The next step is mans great nemesis – commitment.
‘Interviews Pt. 2 – commitment’ coming tomorrow (for real this time unlike all the other orphaned pt.1s on here, I’ve already written it and everything)
Possibly related, hopefully entertaining other posts:
-
ami
-
adam
-
Matthew
-
adam
-
ami
-
Matthew
