When I got home on Friday, I walked in to this……

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Sure, we’ve all pulled the odd cleaning scam in our younger years. Classics such as hiding everything under the bed, or the “spray cleaning” technique of releasing an intoxicating amount of polish in the air 5minutes before mum gets home in the hope of choking her into not noticing the lack of effort you put in. But on Friday Arno showed me what an Amateur I am. He stepped it up more than a level, with a new technique I’m calling “cleaning by distraction”.

This was the view I saw when I entered the flat:

It was a cleaning crime scene! Arno left dirt murder weapons all over the flat. You could see the aftermath of the carnage as they delivered super strength detergent death to all the grime i’d worked so hard to collect through neglect. The results would have even made Barry Scott blush.

The genius part of Arnos plan, was that I had no idea whether he’d actually cleaned. I was so startled by the amount of things he’d dumped, left out, moved and re-organized that I was too distracted to actually check the quality of this cleaning.

He was nowhere to be seen, but he’d left one very clear message “I’ve cleaned!”. It could have been clearer if he erected a pink neon sign flashing “ARNO CLEANED, ARNO CLEANED!!” and attached it to my eyeballs.

Clever, very clever.

Look at this attention to detail:

Clothes dryer in the bath tub.

Even thinking to relocate the toilet brush. Exceptional.

In fact the only thing missing from the crime scene was a chalk outline of the victim Arno, mop in hand. But he was nowhere to be seen, seemingly vanished mid job like an english builder. I could only assume that he must have cleaned himself to death.

How I expected to find Arno, mop draped over his head.

Touché, Arno, touché. Its my turn to clean next week, topping this scam wont be easy.

Oh, and talking of Barry Scott -