Its the number one stereotype. When I told people I was moving here, it was the thing that was brought up most. Very rude people the germans. No sense of humour at all. Silly little moustaches. Okay, so i made the last one up but you get the idea. I really couldnt agree less with these stereotypes, on the whole I find german people incredibly honest and kind, even if they are students of the “punch you in the face” direct style of communication, particularly in english.

But there is one situation where they gleefully live up to their reputation - concerts…..

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In my humble opinion the key to being a good blogger is
a) believing the things you say very passionate for
b) just the second you are saying/writing them.

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I’ve been getting a lot of stick recently for my lack of german progress. Its definitely deserved, I’m not proud that after six months here I still don’t own a german dictionary (hangs head in shame). In person I cant really set out my argument and excuse my ignorance. Before i’ve even started I’m shot down by whoever’s backed me in the corner this time. Its that um huh. here you go. Take the shovel simple English man, dig you fool, dig look that gets me every-time.

I’m all for the being multi-cultural, I mean some of my best friends are multi-cultural (that joke will probably only work on the english). I’m a child of europe. But I think there are some very overlooked positive reasons to not learn the language of the country you live in. I’ve picked up the shovel again now, I plan to dig a little bit until its roomy and warm and then I’ll bury myself:

The main reason, is a little something I call Inner Peace.

Your head is so wonderfully quiet. Its like a TV on mute, I get the pictures but none of the annoying chatter. After a while you really can turn down everything else. I’ve become a master at blocking out conversations that happen around me. In england theres the constant distraction of being nosey:

What are they saying? Geez, their dull. What are they talking about now? Getting drunk. Very original. She did what? No way! Do you think there married? I don’t know she sounds way smarter than him. Perhaps he’s rich, or a cuban drug dealer. Women like danger, and cuba. Well he doesn’t sound Cuban. No that was probably a silly idea. I expect he’s a banker.

Sure theres plenty to look at, but its much easier to block it out if you want to. You just dont look. Then its quiet again…aaah, back to planning world domination and other trivial tasks.

My favourite chinese proverb (everyone’s got to have one, right?) is “more than half of what we see is behind our eyes”.

 

To most of us this is a bun, to the religious its Mother Theresa re-incarnated as a pastry.

Reality is what we make it, neo. I think a lot of what I love about Germany stems from the little that I understand about it. Reading the book is always better than watching the movie right? In my head, Keanu Reeves can act. In reality he’s a somewhat handsome plank, and thats being harsh, on the plank. In my head (ie the book) german people are wonderfully interesting, intelligent, funny and kind. In the movie, no doubt alot are, no doubt a very similar % to that of english people.

“I couldnt sleep last night?”
“Oh, why not?”
“I was troubled”
“By what?”
“I think mainly the uneven distribution of the worlds wealth, we have so much when others have so little”
“Yep, we should really do more”
“Totally”
“Shall we join a commune and refuse to spend a single penny again for the rest of our lives?”
“That would be totally sweet. I can grow my hair some more, change my name to “Liberty” and shed my life of servitude”
“Yeah we should probably sit around chain smoking and drinking beer for a bit longer first though right?”
“Yeah, no rush”
“Shall we get a sausage?”
“I’d bloody love a sausage about now.”
“Cracking, I’ll get a round of sausages in.”

If I knew what they were saying, it would probably be something like this

“I couldn’t sleep last night?”
“Why’s that?”
“Bit hot, I think”
“Yeah me to. I was thinking of getting one of those fans, their cheap in lidl right now.”
“Can get a bit noisy though, if your trying to sleep with the fan on”
“Yeah that is a concern”
“Shall we get a sausage?”

You can guess which one brings me greater happiness. More reasons to be ignorant in future posts. I’ve got a 101 of these. If i’d spent as much time learning the language, as I have thinking up excuses for why I haven’t, I’d could bore germans with this dribble every-night.

Last week I had me and my new lady had our half year anniversary. 6 months in the zig, or zich as its actually pronounced but I dont like to use. Now feels like the time I should write a long, self-indulgent “so what have we learnt post”. The sort of dribble you get at the end of episodes of scrubs, childrens shows, infact just about every show. Its the redemption part, wrongs are righted, lessons are learned and usually if we’re really lucky its all accompanied by a voice over. Here goes - “It turned everything was going to be okay after all, little timmys infection cleared up, I went back to school and got an education, I worked hard and got what I deserved as you will too if you just work hard and keep your head down. Okay so i cheated, the last part isnt actually said, its just implied.

Well I have good news, everything has gone well. I’ve coined a term for the first six months “celemiseraton”. Celebration laced with a little commiseration. All my personal relationships from the UK have suffered (the most important one beyond repair, which hurts) but I’ve also gained many new ones, done many things I never would have before, and learnt a huge amount. I guess you dont know your in a cage until you’ve walked far enough from the middle.

Theres still one thing I dont get and this seems as suitably irrelevant time to bring it up. Its been bugging me….sauerkraut. Everything about it is wrong. This will need some explaining for the non-native speakers. Sour kraut is an insult you (or at least I) might say to or of a miserable looking woman. “She’s a bit of a sour faced old kraut”. So me and sauerkraut got off on a bad start. To me its a double insult, for a miserable woman, like ordering “dipshit” or “miserablebastard” with my german sausage. It also tastes as nasty as it sounds. I’d be tempted to say that is the reason why it hasnt been adopted into the cuisine of other countries, that only the good stuff goes global, but the lack of Baked Beans here disproves that particular theory.

Almost everything here fits me better. Its wrong to say its better, but it fits me better. My only concern is that I might become addicted to ripping my life up and starting again every few years, that i’ve scratched an itch. I guess time will tell. There’s a million things I should write for this to be a proper recap post but I guess that stuff might come come out in time if i start posting some more. Anyway, while I’m here writing this I cant imagine many places I’d rather be.

Redemption complete, lessons learned, end voiceover, roll credits.