Setting the scene: Biking home after work, approx 9pm. I bike past the usual place I buy phone credit and the signs are still outside. I need phone credit, thats strange I think, I thought they closed at 7pm.

Lock up bike.

Check times on door, should have closed at 7pm.

me: Guten Arben

german phone credit retailer man (gpcrm): Hallo, (come on people if i’m bothering to guten arben, have the decency to not offer me a Hallo, i’m supposed to be abroad)

me: I thought you closed at 7pm? (why I feel the need to start these little conversations here as well I dont know, I guess I’m just chattier than I realised)

gpcrm: No, we close at 8pm in November and December

me: (non-verbal, think quizzical eyebrow movement) ?

me: Its 9pm now though?

(pause)

gpcrm: yes.

(5 second pause, Im waiting for further clarification)

me: (giving up) Well I’ll have a 15eur eplus card then please.

gpcrm: sure.

I love german people. It reminds me of the old days (circa 2000) when you used to only be able to send one text message at a time. So the phone would display remaining characters and u wud find smrt wys 2 reduc wrds 2 save £. Sometimes when talking to some german people it reminds me of that. That conversation is displayed in the german brain as a series of text messages (or sms’ as they would call them), and the aim is to reduce all communication into just the bare, efficent minimum to save verbal costs or something, maybe chit chat costs 12p a go here and no-one has told me.

Why do i find it so hard to eat healthily in a country where your deemed morbidly obese if your clothing size has two numbers. its lunchtime I’ve just finished breakfast, and now I’m tucking into a smarties “klapper klaus”. Its a 10inch high chocolate Santa Claus with smarties inside. Target age probably about 7. This was the conversation I had with myself when I saw it in the supermarket (Mone took me to this almost english sized one on the outskirts of the city):

Oooh the Easter eggs are out. These dont like like our easter eggs, snigger snigger backwards german people and their lame attempt’s at commercialism….

Maybe they don’t have easter eggs here, maybe they have klapper klaus’ instead…

Well in that case its my cultural obligation to purchase one then if they are an important part of german easter.

I pick one up (consuming as much german culture as possible is a top priority, apart from the language of course

A few minutes later after being literally flawed by the prices in the alcohol section…

Hang on a minute, this isn’t a quintessentially german easter egg, its not easter, its christmas. hang on the guy with the beard on it looks familiar?! klapper klaus?! hum, klaus that word sounds a little familiar,come on brain try to translate…. what could it be, klause—-pause? nope, —snores? nope, —chores? getting closer, but not quite –clause? nearly- claus! jackpot. the fuckers, they tricked me this no german easter egg its some novelty christmas chocolate. easters in april, how can I be so dumb. Oh well,  culture is over-rated anyway and i’m having it now. Once somethings in the trolley an emotional bond is created that is far to strong for mere rational thought to break.

I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say, probably…

Word of the day - Die Rechnung Bitte (the bill please)

Its been a while since I posted, things are very busy in the zig, I get the impression things are always busy here. I was discussing with Mattheus that the problem with the german economy is that the standard of living is so high that know one can be bothered to work too hard. There is too much to see, people to meet and fun to be had to spend every hour of the day at work.

My german is progressing slowly, when I say slowly I mean not at all. I came here knowing good morning, good evening and good night. I can now add to that impressive list: